Aaron
by Hotchaolic
Summary: It's been a long time since I last saw you and I miss you so bad. WARNING: character death


**WARNING:** _Character death. _

* * *

It's been a long time since I last saw you and I miss you so bad.

I remember our wedding, the way you smiled reassuringly at me while I walked toward you, shaking; I was terrified and yet crying for the joy you brought into every day of my life. The team was there with our families, well your family since I had nobody. I remember that when I said it out loud few days before the wedding Jess and Sean told me that they were my family now. I cried back then, like I did when you got on one knee and proposed to me in the kitchen on a ordinary Sunday morning, or when I whispered the fateful "I do," holding your hands and smiling like a moron.

I remember every single moment we spent together as a family, the pillow-fights on Sunday mornings, the bed time stories you and I read to Jack every night, Jack's birthday parties, our first Thanksgiving; it just felt right being with you.I remember the way we used to hug Jack after coming back from a gruesome case, I'd drop on my knees not caring of my old knee injury, and I'll hug him tight until he'd complain saying that I was crushing him, calling me papa, then I'd excuse myself and reluctantly let go of him.

Hold our son tight was exactly what I did that night. My eyes were still damp with tears when I had to tell him why you wouldn't come home that night. I cried, I wanted to stay strong for Jack but I failed. I cried but those tears were different from the ones I spilled at our wedding.

I remember everything of our last day together as a family; before leaving on that damn afternoon you had promised Jack you'd hang the swing on a tree, we had said our goodbies with hugs and kisses. There's no need to tell you that I never hung that swing nor Jack asked me to do it.

The case was close to home and it wasn't suppose to last long but in some ways it lasted forever. Eighteen hours later our wonderful life was no more real.

The unsub had stormed into the police station, he had killed four police agents and was threatening to do a carnage. I remember that you and Dave tried to negotiate with him but it didn't work, he fired his gun. The gunshot echoes in my mind every time I close my eyes, it was followed by another one and by the sound of two bodies colliding with the ground. Dave had shot the unsub but it didn't mattered, not to me, not when I realized that one of the two bodies on the ground was yours.

My memories are confused from that point on, I remember your white shirt stained with dark red blood, I remember that you told me you were sorry and I kissed you one last time crying. People around us were screaming, wake up Hotch please wake up, I was screaming too but you won't open your beautiful eyes for me.

I remember Morgan dragging me away from your body, I struggled to stay with you, you were surrounded by EMT's and next we' were on the ambulance, on a frenzy ride to the hospital and I kept begging you not to leave me, us, Jack.

We waited in that damn white and light blue room for seven long hours, no one wanted to leave you or me. I remember the doctor emerging from the operating room, his scrub was stained with blood, your blood. He took off his dirty lattex gloves as he approached us and gave us the news. You had lost a lot of blood, they didn't manage to stabilize you and repair the damage; you died on that table that night.

I remember Garcia was the first to cry, followed by the others.

I didn't, I thought I was in some kind of shock, I couldn't believe that you were gone forever, it felt surreal. It sank in only when the doctor fished in his pockets and placed a solid, round, cold object in my palm saying he was sorry. I clenched your wedding ring in my fist and I broke out in tears screaming desperately; I still wear it around my neck every day, it helps me to feel closer to you. I insisted to see you one more time before going home, Dave was with me as the doctor lifted the green sheet revealing your white features. I stroked your cheek one more time, I pressed my lips to yours and whispered that I loved you. I had to go away as I realized you'd never come back to me.

That night Morgan drove me home where I had to tell Jack and I didn't know how. I held him and I told him that daddy was in Heaven with mom now. I coulnd't think of a better explaination and as he started crying I wished you were the one explaining this to him, you'd have done it much better than I did. _I have to stay strong for Jack,_ I told me every night and every morning when I was about to break up in an empty, cold bed.

I never left our unit, the team and our son were the only two things that kept me together and that won't let me fall apart.

It has been almost three years since you're gone and now here I am, in another ambulance, bleeding to death.

I can hear Morgan screming, it seems so far away and at the same time so close, he's telling me to fight, to do that for Jack–the same things I told you three years ago.

It all seems too familiar: another unsub, another gunshot.

Another parent took away from Jack.

That's three now and that poor boy has no one left.

I hope you'll forgive me for leaving our son, I should fight harder but I can't. I'm too weak and too tired to fight, I just want to let go.

I hope that you'll be there waiting for me, Aaron.


End file.
